I’m 28. Single. Woman of God. Believer in the Christian faith. But the men I meet? Boy oh boy!
Now before some of you say, “yeah right”, “she lying”, or something similar, let me stop you in your tracks and explain.
To say that I’ve never “Netflix’d and chilled” would be a lie out of the pit of hell. Haha. “My name is Videllia and I am a recovering Netflix and chill addict.” Okay, I’m not really an addict but I have done it before on a couple of occasions. And I’m not going to lie to you, during the times that I did it, I actually enjoyed it. I mean, let’s be honest. It felt nice to lay on the couch and cuddle with somebody even if for a moment. That was the extent of my Netflix and chill rendezvous (though I know some of ya’lls Netflix and chill nights end up turning into something more…it’s all good, no judgment here haha ).
So yes, I have done the Netflix and chill before, however, as I’ve taken myself off of the dating circuit this past year and have started working on me (which most of us actually don’t take the time to do), I realized that I am a woman worth more than that. No, fellas, I’m not saying you have to spend an arm and a leg to get at me (though the Bible does say I am worth more than rubies so don’t you forget that lol). What I am saying is that because I now know and realize my worth, I know that I’m a woman who deserves effort. I deserve courtship. I deserve a man who is intentional about his feelings and where he sees this going. I deserve more than a drive by date where you get to enjoy spending those intimate moments with me and then you leave to go spend the same (if not more) intimate moments with someone else. I deserve more than what you would offer some basic chick because I’m not basic. *Shrugs*
So, no. I don’t Netflix and chill…anymore (not unless this is a man that I’ve been consistently dating, or in a relationship with, and even then, I still set boundaries which always consist of the man leaving at a certain time. There are no Netflix, chill and sleepovers occurring even with a guy I’m regularly dating). Ladies, when you finally wake up and realize your worth for yourself, you will discover that the things that used to appeal to you no longer live up to your standards. That’s what happened to me a year or so ago and I want to encourage you to take the same journey.
Take time to pause and reflect as to why you are allowing men certain access to your home, your bed, intimate parts of your body and whatever else you have done during your own Netflix and chill sessions. Are you finding that you are so desperate for attention that you’re settling for a drive-by date? Are you discovering that you’re so insecure with your own self, that you prefer dark, quiet, inside dates instead of going out to face the world? Have you allowed a man to dictate the role you will have in life and you find that you’re his standing Monday night appointment instead of a woman he’s actually pursuing? Are you now realizing that in order to want more from a man, to want respect, to want courtship, that you have to act accordingly?
If any of the above answers are “yes” then it’s time for you to demand the level of respect that a woman of your caliber deserves. Now that I’m getting my feet back wet in the dating market, I demand my respect right off the back. I often find that I’ll meet guys who’s idea of a date is them picking up a movie and coming to my house. Yes, even for the first date! When I respond to them kindly and say, no thank you, I do not allow men to come to my house until I have gotten to know them and establish something with them, I usually find that the man is shocked by my response. Most would think that these men would walk away to go find the next girl who will allow that to happen but I’ve discovered that these men have actually respected my decision and comment on the fact that I’m different from most other women. In fact, recently, after telling a guy that very same thing, he responded in saying, “I realize that I can’t approach you how I approach most women. I see that you’re different. So I know I have to approach you in the right way.”
You’re darn right you have to approach me the right way buddy! I’m a woman who knows her worth and won’t settle for anything less! Haha. He was a sweet guy and because he’s respected my decision, he’s still in the running…for now.?
To my sistahs out there, I encourage you to do the same. Do not be afraid to walk and carry yourself as a woman worthy of more. Some men will leave but most men will respect you even more for demanding your respect. Believe it or not they are actually attracted to a confident woman who knows her worth. So, go. BE that confident woman and say NO to “Netflix and Chill”! Haha.