Let me start off saying this I was once “Single-lee Married” what is that you say? Well before I tell you what it is in my terms let me tell you how I derived at this blog. Two things happened to me first I had a transparent moment on Facebook (if you are not following me you should Heather Raquel and Heather Raquel Too). Anyway I talked about my mistakes in my marriage and how I was “Single-lee Married”. Two, this married man tried to talk to me here recently and I was like, “Sir you are walking around here like you are single, but you are Married.” Hence “Single-lee Married” disclaimer I am very transparent with things that has happened in my life because I want to help someone else, and we are overcomers by the words of our testimony (Revelation 12:11). Anyway there are so many people walking around here Single-lee Married and now I am going to share my story.
I met my ex-husband in 2009 I had seen him all the time at church and we would always speak to each other. Well for a few months I didn’t see him anymore at any of the church functions that I would frequent. One day when I was at work I got a message on Facebook from him and he was telling me that he moved back home. So we chatted and he would always hit me up on there until one day he got brave enough to ask for my number. So we became cool. Now we have to be careful when we say that we are friends because my husband and I were never friends. There were and are things that he will never know about me because I didn’t trust him enough to share all of me with him. So we were cool! He moved back to Dallas in 2010 and we started dating. He said that he wanted to marry me, but I wasn’t ready for that. I had just gotten out of a 4-year relationship full of lies, babies, cheating, and all kinds of junk. So I wasn’t ready for all that, but I did want a relationship. We dated for a little over a year and then got engaged. By 2012 I was married and that’s when all hell broke loose. Now before we got married we both had issues that we were working through and I knew that marriage was not an option right then and there. God told me not to and I did anyway. I put my husband out right before we got married and by that weekend we were married. All the signs were there, but we just kept on doing what we wanted to do. In the back of my mind I knew that I didn’t want to be married to my husband. Heck, I was still battling with the feelings I had for a long term friend that I was off and on with. Again I knew I wasn’t supposed to marry him, but he said to me the only way this can work is if we get married. So me being me agreed to it and now I look back like really Heather? BUT that was a lesson that I needed to learn because in my next and till death do us part marriage I will know how to treat my husband.
After we got married that’s when our problems grew and I knew that this wasn’t right. My ex and I were Great people, but together we were toxic for each other. He would go and do his thing and I would do mine. We both would go out to clubs separately. Well I went to the club and he would go to lounges. We did so much to each other that it was crazy. Honestly I am surprised we didn’t kill each other because of what we did to one another. Together we lost everything, but separately we lived the best lives possible. Let me say this if you notice that your relationship is an “Eye for an Eye” type of relationship please get out of it, it’s not worth it. You will destroy one another. I won’t go into full detail about my marriage, but when I write my book you will be able to read everything. It’s coming soon! My husband and I were married, but we lived single lives. We were not really willing to empty ourselves for one another. I remember saying I don’t love my husband enough to put my life on the line for him heck I don’t even trust him. I would never be his ride or die. That was truly how I felt about him and still do. I love him, but not enough to give up Heather. We couldn’t understand the concept of team once we said I do. It was so bad that I wouldn’t change my last name because I knew that I wasn’t going to stay married to him. How do you marry someone and in the back of your mind you know that you are going to divorce them? My marriage was doomed from the start with that kind of thinking right? I wasted 4 years of his life and my own. So Ladies and Gents don’t waste your time if you see the red flags in the beginning please take heed to them. I saw them, but because I felt like I was getting old and I was with him already I stayed and married him even when I knew that I wasn’t supposed to. God has a way of making you line up to HIS Will. I hate that I took my ex through all of the changes that I took him through, but again it was worth it because now I know who I am and my eyes are open. Wasting time with people is no longer my thing. I am convinced if he is not truly my friend and I can’t trust with what I say or my life that we can’t be together. Trust was my biggest issue with my EX and I will not be with anyone that I cannot trust. My ex and I now are cool we speak when we see each other and sometimes we will trip out with each other and then get off the phone. He lives his life and I live mine. Be happy people and be TRUE to SELF. Don’t settle because you think that you should be further along or because you think you are missing something. Take your time and just live. I hope this helps someone and that you can live a better life through my Journey….